TOP 10 WAYS MEN DESTROY THEIR MARRIAGE

Neglected Wife Symptoms—Ways Husbands Destroy Their Marriages

It is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. So, while this list below may seen daunting, always remember that. If life is stressful, then work on changing your perception. You can see peace instead of stress. You are only one thought away from a peaceful life. If you feel unhappy, seek the things that will fulfill you in life. Just be happy. The simplest route to something is to just be. The only person you can change is yourself.

Also, while both the husband and wife should take responsibility for their part in a marriage, below are ten mistakes common to men. Read on to learn about the behaviors of men which can completely destroy a marriage.

1. Leaving Her Alone

One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. This means things like spending long hours at work and following it up by a beer or several afterward with the guys. Then, when you get home, you don't engage her or your children. Instead, you lose yourself in baseball or computer poker. Also, on the weekends, you'll complain about the messy house, then leave to run errands, and then you don't come back for several hours.

One of the most most miserable experiences for a wife is that feeling of isolation when her husband emotionally leaves the relationship. Yes, she has friends and a job. Yes, she spends a lot of time running the kids around and partaking in activities outside of her husband. It's not the same. Her desire is to spend time with you, the man she loves. To be left alone by her husband causes deep heartache for women. For most women, their largest fears boil down to isolation and deprivation. When she feels abandoned by you, she attacks with hurtful and disrespectful behavior. Her ability to verbally hurt you is her strongest weapon, and she uses it out of fear in an effort to try to get your attention.

When a wife begins to nag because you never spend time at home, never hang out with her, and never engage with the kids, chances are she is feeling abandoned and isolated. When you stop spending time together, the emotional distance between you two grows quickly.

2. Not Getting Close Enough

Your wife feels energized when she feels close to you. Refusing to let her know you is destructive to her and your marriage. While you strive to keep your independence, she longs to connect with you. It is not fair to either of you if you are only affectionate and attentive on the days you want sex or something from her. Affection and closeness ought to be an end in themselves, not a means to a different end.

Talking is not the only way women feel close, although it is an important one. Simple ways to fulfill your wife in this area are to hug her often, hold her hand, and to spend some time alone with her. When her need for closeness is met, she will be more inclined to respect your need for independence. When your wife feels close to you, she will also be more willing to engage with you on a more intimate, sexual level.

The important thing to remember is to help her feel connected. Try talking to her about your day, your fears, hopes, and dreams. Hold her hand when you go out together. Kiss her unexpectedly in the kitchen while she makes dinner. Sit next to her. Ask her how she is doing, and for a few minutes, give her your undivided attention while she answers. A little bit will go a long way and mean everything to her and, in turn, your marriage.

2.1. Closing Yourself Off to Her

Women exist as an integrated circuit. The mind, body, and soul are closely linked — so, hurt feelings affect the entire system. A wife whose spirit is crushed may suffer from fatigue and confusion. Like a strand of Christmas lights — when one light goes out, they all go dark. Men compartmentalize. If one light goes out on his strand, all the other lights function properly, unaffected. Men are able to fully function when one area of their lives is not working properly.

Your wife does not understand the closed-off and mysterious way you operate. Things don't seem to bother you. You never want to talk to her. She knows you are stressed about work, yet you don't show it or express that further to her. She wonders how you can even function. Your wife is not trying to pry or sneak her way into no-man's land. She simply wants you to be open. She wants to truly seeyou. She feels loved when you share your fears, worries, and troubles. She wants to be that person for you and committed to being so when you got married. She won't try to fix you. She will listen.

Try talking to her about what is going on in your life. Women like to vent, without seeking a solution, and she wants to give you the freedom to share yourself verbally.

3. Always Trying to "Fix" Her

Even when she doesn't always say it, your wife sees you as her strength. As the bearer of her burdens. When she comes to you for help to lighten the load from the weight of her world, it is a compliment. She knows you can handle it.

Rather than trying to resolve and repair every issue, however, try to just listen to her. You might even ask if she needs a solution or just an ear. It will be a relief for both of you when you realize that sometimes you don't have to fix all the problems. Furthermore, when you listen, she will feel like you understand her (even if you don't, which is okay).

4. Never Saying "I'm Sorry."

All marriages have conflict. The refusal to apologize is a quick way to destroy yours. While conflict is not a pleasant thing, growth and closeness can increase as conflict is resolved. For your wife, an apology means she has moved forward through the conflict, and she is now seeking peace.

Many husbands see apologizing as a sure sign of weakness. They think, "If I apologize, she won't respect me." On the contrary, if you humbly apologize and ask her forgiveness, your wife will be putty in your hands. Your small act of contrition soothes her spirit, and acts as a healing balm over her heart. Furthermore, it shows that you're open and willing to make things work, that you care enough to admit to your faults and move past and through them.

5. Taking Her Insecurities Too Lightly

Your wife knows she is highly committed to you. When she sees you looking at other women, in the mall, on TV, on the computer, and in other places, she fears that you may be unfaithful and at the very least, it may make her uncomfortable and question your attraction to them, especially if she is solely just looking at you. Regardless, she is insecure and needs your reassurance, not any belittling, joking, or teasing. These activities all devalues her feelings, which are real. When you stare at a cute young thing as she saunters by, it may be a reminder to your wife of her many imperfections. She feels insecure because she wants to know that you still love her and you looking at other women may not be so reassuring of that. It's okay for you to look at other women, in fact, it's perfectly natural. The danger is when you are blatant and aggressive, disregarding your wife's feelings and staring in spite of her discomfort.

Your wife is motivated by your love and loyalty. She has committed her life to you, and wants to feel secure in the fact that you are equally committed to her. A big symbol of your loyalty to your wife is a wedding ring. For a woman, this is a sign of your fidelity. A married man without a ring seems to be trying to hide something. This requires very little effort, if any, on your part to reassure your wife in this way, and yet it would mean the world to her. Her peace of mind ought to be worth the cost of an inexpensive, outward expression of your fidelity. You have nothing to hide. A ring is a simple, outward expression of your devotion to your wife and to your marriage. This small gesture can have deep impact.

When your wife feels insecure, she may ask if you still think she is pretty. She may ask if you love her. She may ask if you think someone else is more attractive. This is not a trap. She feels she is moving toward you, by asking a question and starting a conversation. Talking is how women feel close. She is seeking your assurance of love and loyalty. Rather than make light of the moment, look at her. No, really look at her. Tell her she is the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. Give her the assurance she seeks, and ease her troubled mind.

6. Ignoring the Importance of Simple Gestures

Your wife does not require fancy jewelry or expensive meals. Granted, those things are nice, and you like to treat your wife. However, it isn't always necessary.

She feels most loved by the small tokens of your love and appreciation. When you neglect the small things, it may feel to her like you are trying to buy her affection — or ease your own guilt — with the big things. Let your wife know that she is on your mind during the day. A single rose when you walk in the door speaks volumes to her language of love. Give her a call or send her a text during the day to let her know you are thinking of her. Offer to help with dinner, or wash the dishes. These are small gifts of your time that mean the world to your wife.

For your wife, the most important days of the year are her birthday and the day she married you. Celebrate these days by spending time with just her. It will mean more than any expensive gift ever could. The cost of the gift is secondary to the thought you put into it. She wants to feel special and important to you. The way to help her feel loved is to spend time with her alone. Even if you sit home and watch a movie, give her your undivided attention.

7. Taking All the Fun Out of Sex

When you confuse sex with intimacy, it's no fun. When you only focus on your own orgasm, it's no fun. When you only show interest in your wife when you want to get lucky, it's no fun. When you devalue the depth of your sexual relationship with crude jokes and pornography, it's no fun. When you expect her to get excited instantly, it's no fun. When you neglect your wife's sexual needs, it's no fun.

When you are married, sex is supposed to be fun.

An intimate sharing, designed to bring you closer, sex should cement the bond between you. For example, think of your wife as a crockpot. Meanwhile, in this comparison, you are a microwave. Put a meal in a microwave, and you are eating within three minutes. A crockpot meal takes a lot of forethought. You need the proper ingredients. You have to put everything together, turn it on, and wait. Six or eight hours later, you enjoy a delicious meal. Your wife needs the same thoughtful consideration. Start in the morning with a kiss. Tell her she's beautiful. Women never get tired of hearing that from the man they love. Help get the kids ready for school. After work, ask about her day.

Slow, slow, slow. If you want to bring the fun back into sex, think crockpot, not microwave. You can microwave in the shower (not literally, obviously).

8. Getting Lost in Bitterness and Anger

When you shut your wife out to brood in your despair, it fills her with fear. Women like to talk things out. Men like to shut things out. When you feel stressed about work, about money, about your relationship, you turn inward. This provokes your wife's fear of abandonment and rejection.

She thinks you don't love her when you refuse to speak. This fear, and her desire to resolve conflict, cause your wife to pursue you. She wants to talk it out, not to belittle or demean you, but to feel closer. She wants you to trust her, so she can trust you. She follows you around, asking if everything is alright. You run away from her and avoid wanting to discuss what is bothering you. She knows something is wrong, and she begins to assume that she is the problem.

You can stop this train wreck before it happens by opening up to your wife. She loves you. You can trust her. Share your real feelings with her, and she will open her heart to you.

9. Not Taking Responsibility

Whether it's an addiction, an affair or poor performance in your life, many times, husbands point to their wives as the reason for their weakness. "She makes me drink because of her nagging. I cheated because she wouldn't take care of me. I'm doing poorly because she never encourages me."

It's time to take full responsibility for your own behavior. You need to take ownership of your actions. You choose to drink. You choose to cheat. You choose to work or not work. You actively do all these things on your own. Rather than blaming someone or something else, stand up and take control. Make your life reflect the values you desire. Your life is completely under your control. Today, you can choose differently. You can create exactly the life you want. Furthermore, if your wife really is the root of all the problems in your life, then take control of that as well and man up and tell her the truth. She can't change if you aren't willing to express the problem.

10. Picking the Wrong Woman. Again.

A woman in distress, who just moves from crisis to crisis, will continue to be in distress after you marry her. A nitpicking woman who criticizes your every decision will continue to nitpick. A control freak always wants control, even after the wedding. The bottom line is: if she is the wrong woman before the marriage, she'll be the wrong woman when and after you get married.

If you want a nice wife, then date a nice woman and marry her. Treat her with love and respect and she will return the kindness. Trying to rescue a woman in distress will only lead you to feel used and unappreciated. A strong marriage begins with a good-willed woman and a good-willed man. It flourishes as you both grow in love and respect toward each other.

Choosing the wrong woman sets you up for failure every time. Although you might like the feeling of being a knight in shining armor rescuing a damsel in distress, the reality of being married is much harder and much less idealistic. Marriage takes work, from both the husband and the wife. When both are committed to making the marriage a good experience, then it has a better chance of succeeding.

Work on Yourself

While this list may seem daunting, it is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. If life is stressful, work on changing your perception. You can see peace instead of stress. You are only one thought away from a peaceful life. If you feel unhappy, seek those thing that will fulfill you in life. Just be happy. The simplest route to something is to just be. The only person you can change is yourself.

10 DRINKING GAMES FOR TWO PEOPLE

Fun Drinking Games for Two

Everyone loves a good drinking game. Nothing breaks the ice with a new group of people or gets a party started like a round of beer pong - or if you take your drinking games seriously - True American. But drinking games don't just have to be for big groups. In fact, they can be just as fun to play with a good friend, or someone you'd like to get to know better. These games can turn a couple beers with a pal into an evening for the ages.

1) Higher/Lower

Materials: a deck of cards (or the card deck app on a phone)

This game is about as simple as it gets. The "dealer" turns over a card from the top of the deck. The second player then guesses whether the next card will be higher or lower than the turned-over card. If the second player is right, the dealer drinks. If the second player is wrong then he or she drinks.

2) Two Truths and a Lie

Another excellent icebreaker that gets an extra jolt from the addition of alcohol. Here's how it works. The first player makes three statements about themselves. Two of the statements have to be true, while one has to be a lie. The second player then has to guess which is the lie. If the second player guesses correctly, the first player must drink and if incorrectly, the second player has to drink. Then switch. This is a great game either for two people who know each other well or for two people who want to get to know each other better.

3) Power Hour

This one you might feel in the morning. In a power hour, the goal is to drink 60 shots of beer in 60 minutes. That's one shot of beer per minute. Whoever makes it through the entire hour wins — or loses, depending on how bad the morning hangover is. Be careful with this one: it can get you pretty wasted.

4) "Never Have I Ever . . . "

A fun icebreaker that is even better with the addition of alcohol. Here's how it works: the first player starts by saying something that they have never done, for instance, "Never have I ever gone skydiving." (It's traditional to begin your confession with "Never have I ever . . ." but not required.) If the other person HAS gone skydiving then that player has to drink. Then you switch roles. This is a good drinking game for a large party too.

5) Flip Cup

Though most often played in larger groups, this game works just as well with two. Starting at the same time, both players chug a beer from a plastic cup as fast as they can. When finished, place the cup upside down on the edge of the table with the rim hanging out a bit over the edge. Then, try to "flick" the overhanging rim to get the cup to flip right-side up before the other person.

6) Battle Shots

You can purchase an official version of this game, which is super fun to play. But if you don't want to shell out for it, or don't happen to own a copy of the Parker Bros. classic game Battleship, you can you can make up your own game board pretty easily. Trust me, the set-up time is totally worth it. Get ready for a trip down nostalgia lane:

Materials:

• paper
• pencil
• 6 shots

Directions:

Draw a 7x7 grid on a piece of paper, labeling the columns alphabetically and the rows numerically. That way each box has a letter-number designation, e.g. the top left is box A1.

Place your "boats" by marking Xs along the grid: three "X"s for the battleship, two "X"s for the destroyer, and one "X" for the submarine. Each "X" represents one shot.

Take turns guessing where your opponents "battle shots" are. Every time someone "hits" an X, take one shot. You win by sinking all of your opponent's "battle shots." Loser must then drink all the remaining shots.

7) Truth or Dare or Drink

There are a couple ways to play this classic getting-to-know-you game.

Option 1: Just do the “truth” part. Take turns asking personal questions. If the other person doesn't want to answer, they must drink. Awesome for people who know each other well and/or have no shame. Even better if you’re playing with someone you’re interested in.

Option 2: Just do the “dare” part. Do the dare or take the drink. This one gets a lot more fun as the game goes on, since people are more likely to do silly dares when they're drunk!

8) Quarters

Materials: Quarters, Cups.

One player tries to bounce a quarter off the table into a cup or shot glass. If the shooter makes it, the other player must drink and the shooter gets another turn. If the shooter misses, it’s the other players turn to shoot. This is probably the best drinking game for 2 people because it's a skill game, and you definitely want to practice one-on-one before playing it at a party.

9) "I'm Going on a Picnic . . ."

This is a memory game. Go through the alphabet naming things you'd bring on a picnic, adding 1 more item per turn.

Person A: I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing Apples.

Person B: I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing Apples and Bananas.

Person A: I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing Apples, Bananas, and Carrots.

I think you catch the drift. Drink every time someone makes a mistake. This game gets more hilarious both the drunker and the farther down the alphabet you get. Very likely you’ll get sidetracked by arguments about why anyone would need to bring a xylophone to a picnic.

10) Caps

This one can be played with either two or four people.

The basic rules go like this: each player sits facing the other at opposite ends of a room. Next to each player is a cup full of beer. Each player takes turns trying to throw a bottle cap into the other player’s cup. If one makes it, then the player that was scored on has to chug the cup of beer. What else are you going to do with those old bottle caps?

TRAVEL EXPERIENCES IN SIKKIM, INDIA

One of the Himalaya’s best-kept travel secrets,Sikkim is a welcome diversion from all conventional notions of an Indian holiday. Far fromRajasthan’s royal trail, Goa’s beaches and Kerala’s backwaters, this tiny Indian hill state prides itself on pristine alpine forests, lofty snow-capped mountains, craggy landscapes dotted with quaint villages and a rich tribal culture brocaded with vibrant Tibetan Buddhist accents.

A fantastic adventure off the beaten track, Sikkim is a place waiting to be explored. Here are 15 excellent ways to get under its skin.

Visit Rumtek Monastery

Considered one of Tibetan Buddhism’s most important centres, the magnificent Rumtek Monastery is a repository of countless invaluable artefacts (precious metal statues, gem-studded cenotaphs, exotic ritualistic paraphernalia) stacked within its cavernous portals. The official – though currently vacant – seat of the revered Karmapa Lama, the monastery is especially attractive during the Mahakala Dance in February, when giant figurines of protector deities raise hell in the courtyard and fight off evil demons.

Trek to Goecha La

Many hardened hikers consider this week-long adventure to be the best trek for sighting Mt Khangchendzonga (8586m), the world’s third-highest peak. Starting from the outpost of Yuksom in West Sikkim, the trail cuts up a sylvan alpine terrain to finally peak at a gravity-defying 4940m, from where you can take in sweeping views of the snows towering above. April and November are best for photo ops.

Explore North Sikkim

Sprawled across a remote northern region of the state, the sublimely beautiful valleys of Yumthang and Tsopta are scantly visited. Frequently ravaged by landslides and earthquakes, these mountains are tricky territory to travel in. But then, isn’t that what intrepid travel is all about? So jump into a sturdy four-wheel-drive and hit the bumpy road to paradise. To adjust to the altitude along the way, spend a night in the quaint and scenic hamlet of Lachen.

Sip Temi’s tea

The tiny village of Temi in South Sikkim stands its ground as the only tea-growing region in the state. Producing a mellow and delightfully aromatic brew, ‘Temi tea’ has a loyal following around the world, and the good news is you can now relish the nectar right where it is harvested. Simply schedule an excursion through Temi’s picturesque gardens, and savour grand 360-degree mountain views along with every refreshing sip of the amber beverage (best had without milk or sugar).

Go organic

Sikkim is poised to become the first state in India to go fully organic in terms of production and consumption of food material. The changeover is already apparent in local markets, where organic produce seems to be trumping non-organic. Needless to say, this is your chance to detoxify, indulge in a nutritious vacation and eat your way to good health.

Drive to Tsomgo Lake

 

Spanning a valley at a height of 3780m, Tsomgo Lake cuts a pretty picture against a backdrop of rugged mountains rising towards the Tibetan Plateau. The outing (a four-hour return journey from state capital Gangtok) is particularly enjoyable in early spring and late autumn, when parts of the lake are frozen over and the stalls by the lake serve piping hot tea and momos (meat-filled dumplings) to fight the numbing chill. A lakeside joyride on a friendly yak? It's got that too!

Row down the Teesta

Rushing down the length of Sikkim from icy glacial heights to tropical alluvial plains, the turbulent Teesta River promises some fantastic rafting opportunities on its foamy waters. From calm stretches for novices to curling rapids for experienced oar-wielders, the river packs a variety of challenges at every level. Whether raft or kayak, choose your preferred ride and let the adrenaline flow.

Understand Tibetology

Got a thing for antique mountain cultures? Then swing by the fortress-like Namgyal Institute of Tibetology in Gangtok, and familiarise yourself with countless nuances of Tibetan culture and Vajrayana Buddhism. Don’t miss the museum, packed with relics such as ancient manuscripts, thangkas (religious scroll paintings) and Tantric ritualistic objects (human skull bowls and thigh-bone trumpets, anyone?).

Know your morsels

A bowl of steaming sisnoo (nettle soup), a serving of fried ningro (fiddlehead ferns) and, finally, a generous helping of rice with gundruk ko jhol (fermented mustard leaf soup) and fiery pork curry. That’s a traditional Sikkimese meal, delicious to the last spoonful. If the spice gets to you, simply wash it down with chhang, a refreshing local rice beer served in wooden mugs.

Embrace local life

Do you think hotels are characterless and boring? Wonderful. Shun the usual sleeping options and root for an absorbing experience at one of rural Sikkim’s many ambient homestays instead. Mingle with affable hosts, share stories and drinks over kitchen fires in the evening, have fun helping out with farm and household activities, and kill time with a book or iPod for company in the cosy comfort of your tastefully appointed room.

Find religion

Spirituality is an essential element of Sikkim’s social and cultural grain, and you can amply soak it up during your holiday here. Meditate in an ancient Buddhist gompa, attend a religious ceremony (such as the new year festivities of Losar), or pay obeisance at the many shrines in the temple town of Namchi. If you’re visiting a monastery, don’t forget to light a butter lamp for peace, love and prosperity.

Take a day hike

Sikkim’s mountains are criss-crossed by numerous foot trails traditionally used by locals to commute between villages. For travellers, this means a wonderful opportunity to bushwalk through the serene wilderness, exploring the region’s bucolic scenery and a plethora of plant and animal life along the way. The day walks from Yuksom to Khecheopalri Lake and Tashiding are particularly picturesque, as are short jaunts around the town of Ravangla

Smell the rhododendrons

Known to foster more than 500 species of rhododendron, the forests of Varsey and Singba (in West Sikkim and North Sikkim respectively) come alive in a riotous bloom sometime between March and May. Vivid shades of red, pink, yellow, mauve and white smear entire hillsides, and a walk under these colourful canopies is an otherworldly experience, to say the least. Mind those pesky leeches wiggling in the undergrowth, though.

Groove to Gangtok’s nightlife

Dusk is a happy time along MG Marg, Gangtok’s social and cultural hub. Snack stalls along the main drag whip up juicy servings of momos, lounge bars come alive with strains of rock and blues, and the appetising smell of freshly baked savouries perfumes the crisp evening air. The booze is cheap, the company is friendly, and the good times keep rolling. Drink, dine and dance the night away.

Glide like an eagle

The newest fix for adventure junkies in the region, paragliding is a fantastic way to enjoy bird’s eye views of Sikkim’s mountains. October and November, with clear sunny skies, are the best months for the sport – this is also when Gangtok hosts the annual Sikkim Paragliding Festival. So put on your helmet, strap on your chute and leap off the hill for a thrilling flight down to terra firma. And don’t forget to snap a self-portrait en route, to secure bragging rights back home.

LIFE AS A FEMALE SOLDIER IN PRE-BASIC

Before I joined the United States Army, I pored through the internet looking for any kind of information that could help me. I wanted so badly to know what it was like to be in the Army. I knew what it was like for the soldiers I'd already met, but none of them were females like me. Let's face it: There is a difference between males and females in the military, and I wanted to know that difference. Unfortunately I never found any helpful information, so I up and joined the U.S. Army and experienced it myself. Hopefully this piece will be of help to other women considering joining the Army.

Boot Camp

The boot camp experience is also known as:

• Basic Combat Training, or BCT (the Army loves its acronyms)
• Basic Training
• Boot
• Basic

What to Do/Know Before Joining the Army:

1. Consider Cutting Your Hair

Decide if your hair is going to work for you while you're at Boot Camp.

My hair was long, and I wasn't about to fix my hair up in a bun every day. With the intense training, I would have to fix my hair all of the time, especially because drill sergeants are sticklers about soldier representation.

A soldier also told me that some of the female soldiers he knew got moldy hair. When I started training, I could see how that was possible. The females who didn't cut their hair always had to have it up in a bun. As soon as they were done with showers, they'd basically have to throw their hair back into a bun. Sometimes there wasn't much time to take showers, so then the drill sergeants were thoughtful enough to take us training in the rain. After training in the mud, we would all go camping—again, in the rain. Under those conditions, it'd be easy for a bit of mold to cultivate in a knot of hair.

One of my first preparations for BCT was chopping off all of my hair!

I was amazed by how many people were mad at me for shearing off my "crowning glory."

In the end, it was a very good thing that I cut my hair, though it made me sad to lose whatever cuteness my long hair gave me.

2. Exercise Before You Join

This is very important! Training is very tough if you do not have some level of physical fitness when you arrive. You don't need to be Superwoman or anything, but give your muscles a bit of training so the shock factor won't be so high.

Basic Training is, on all levels, a rather high-stress affair, so be ready for it. There are physical ability standards that you must pass in order to graduate Basic Training. The Army's Physical Training Test is different than those of the other military branches. The test examines the soldier's ability to do push-ups, sit-ups, and a two-mile run, in that order. The push-ups and sit-ups are each under a time limit of two minutes. The pass/fail standards are based on age and gender.

You can see what the pass/fail standards are for your age and gender underAPFT standards on the US Army Basic site. For example, how many pushups must I do in order to pass? Well, I'm a female between 22 and 26 years of age. Therefore, I must do 17 pushups in order to get a minimum passing score of 60%. If that seems too easy, then go for a score of 100% by doing 46 pushups or more. Still too easy? Max out the guys' standards. Go for 75 pushups.

3. Ask Questions and Gain Answers

Find someone in the Army branch you are interested in who has no monetary interest in what you decide. I don't care what the recruiters say, they do twist the truth when it benefits them because they get benefits based on their monthly number of recruits (in other words, they have a quota). I wasn't lucky and got a bad recruiter. However, there are good ones. So before you join, find an unbiased opinion and make sure you understand what it will be like.

4. Break Your Bad Habits

Break your bad habits now before you ship out to Basic Training. It will make your time there much less terrible. Smoking, drinking alcohol, snacking, taking naps, etc, are all habits that plague trainees during training. If you break your habits, Basic Combat Training will be that much easier.

5. Don't Stress Over the Drill Sergeants

They yell, dish out punishments, and play mind-games, but they won't physically harm you. Everything is done according to what you can withstand, physically and mentally. If you can endure everything they throw at you and come out on top, then you are worthy to be an American soldier.

A Few More Things to Do Before Going to Basic Training

How should you pay your bills? Is it worth it to stop your phone plan? The video above offers a few more tips for things you may not have thought about.

Living conditions may be tough compared to your usual standard of living. So enjoy nice living conditions while you can, because if you join the military, sometimes you won't get the best accommodations. One thing most soldiers learn is to never take anything for granted. I, personally have learned to always live life to the fullest. It's better that way.

What Military Life Is Like for a Woman

Physical Training

I knew military life was going to be difficult. Before joining, I'd only talked to males about the Army, and they all pretty much said the same stuff:

• "There's a lot of PT (physical training)."
• "You're gonna get very tired."
• (My favorite): "It's not that bad."

No offense, guys, but I'd say the ego got in the way of the truth. But to be honest, Basic Training was just bad, not overly terrible. Even though the guys' comments showed a knack for understatement, I really did expect it to be worse. There were times when I thought I was going to die, but there were also times when I thought everything was too easy.

And, in case you're wondering, Basic Training is harder physically for a female than it is for a male.

Push-ups are easier for males, and the Army is all about its push-ups. Ruck marches are also easier for males.

But, in sit-ups we are equals! (Sadly the Army doesn't care as much about sit-ups as it does its push-ups.) I can honestly say that I could probably beat most guys in sit-ups. I can even say I know one woman who can do 112 sit-ups in two minutes. Just think: she's almost pumping out one sit-up per second. Amazing, isn't it?

Unexpected Things That Made Basic Training Terrible

Two unexpected things make Basic Training terrible for females: other females and ruck marches.

Just think about it: I woke up at 5 a.m. after going to bed at 11 p.m., and I had a couple of females arguing next to my bunk until 11:30, and they wouldn't listen when I asked them to stop. Then I had to wake up for two hours of chores from midnight until 2 a.m., and my relief wouldn't wake up until 2:30, so my head didn't hit the pillow until 2:40. Overall, I got little more than two and a half hours of sleep. Just imagine doing that after a very full day of sweat, grime, and yelling. Once you have a room full of women in this state, they are ready to rip each other and anyone else to pieces, griping about this and that because they're miserable. Ah! I'm frustrated just remembering that. (Though this isn't as bad compared to other female-related experiences I've had. Note: If you want more stories, just give me a holler and I'll regale you with some good ones.)

The second most terrible thing during Basic for a female was the ruck marches. These marches were bad because most females don't make for good pack mules. I definitely don't. I weigh 125 lbs., and the Drill Sergeants gave us rucks and gear that weighed up to 60 lbs. In general, for a male, that's a little hefty but nothing to worry about. However, for a female my size, that could very well be almost half her weight. I hated ruck marches. I would rather run miles than go on a march. While a heavy backpack would not be bad for a stroll through the park with tennis shoes, "strolling" for endless distances with combat boots, a hot uniform, and a heavy ruck with metal frame, with a weapon (M-16 Rifle) in hand is an entirely different story.

There is a third aspect of Basic Training that was bad, but I was ready for this one: the crude comments. While both men and women made unsavory comments, the guys were worse. This is something that is difficult to get away from in the military, especially during long training sessions and deployments. It's something to get used to, because it's pretty much a tradition.

Once you get to your units, males will become more careful of what they say around females because they are afraid that they'll get a sexual harassment report. Unfortunately, innocent males get harassment charges all the time, and the blame goes to the females. So, understand this: When you enter a room full of males, and they all stop their hooting and laughing as soon as you walk in, it is because you're female.

However, despite the threat of harassment reports, I've still had males try to be the nastiest they could be just to get a rise out of me. The takeaway here is that a female needs to be tough-skinned to be in the Army. A lot of these males are good people and great soldiers, but everyone knows that "boys will be boys," especially amongst each other. Now throw a female in their midst and all of a sudden the males need to figure out what kind of woman she is: overly sensitive or tough-skinned. So be ready to get judged, because it will happen with every person you meet in the military.

Everyone is judged in the military. It's really no big deal. The point is that females are judged on many points. Is she a good soldier? Do I have to pick up her slack? Can she keep up? Is she going to tattle, like the last one?

There will always be a female who was there before you that completely screwed up. Once you show up on the scene, everyone will look at you and wonder if you're the same as the last one: the screw up. As a result, they're careful, just as you should be careful. Never forget your professional attitude as a soldier, let alone as a female soldier representative.

The Female Polar Opposites

Some people make great soldiers, and some people slip through the cracks. People who join the military for a reason other than working hard never should have entered in the first place.

There are also women who make great soldiers and women who never should have joined the military. However, if you're a woman who doesn't work hard, then people will assume it's because you're a woman, and you'll make a bad name for all female soldiers.

Female soldiers who prefer not to work are easy to point out, and there's a word for them that's almost as offensive as the word "slut."

A quick side note: A harsh reality for female soldiers is that you are considered a slut until proven otherwise. It is terrible and unfair for the rest of us, but that's just the stark reality. The sad part is, it's all so normal that no one thinks anything of it. But this is the Army and you just deal with it and drive on. There's nothing to do but prove everyone wrong, and rise to the top.

Now, women tend to cluster around two polar opposite approaches to being a soldier. We've already covered the ones who don't pull their weight and enforce stereotypes about women. Then there are the women who work hard to prove stereotypes wrong.

The great soldiers are the females who don't make excuses about their gender. They don't complain about their menstrual cycle openly, they don't whine, snivel, or gripe about anything or anyone, and they work on their shortcomings. For example, a male can do things that females can't. Men are better pack mules and their bodies are better fitted for endurance. While females aren't naturally good at lugging things around for great distances, they work at it so that it doesn't hamper future operations they may be involved in.

On the other hand, she doesn't call attention to herself and her ability to do everything. If there is a job or detail that needs to be done, she just gets it done. No problem. She's a squared-away soldier just like the rest of 'em.

More Reading

1. Love My Rifle More Than You: Young and Female in the U.S. Army by Kayla Williams—Williams tells the tail of her time in Iraq. She talks all about the daily ins and outs, from the bad food to the fear of war to the sexual dynamics.
2. The Status of Gender Integration in the Military: Analysis of SelectedOccupations by Margaret C. Harrell, et al—The Rand Corporation conducted research into how women have been integrated into 10 different military occupations. This is pretty technical reading, but it has interesting insights—namely, what occupation you go into within the military matters.
3. The Lonely Soldier: The Private War of Women Serving in Iraq by Helen Benedict—This book tells the story of sexual assault in the military. Army Reserve Colonel Ann Wright, who has served in the army for 29 years, says, "I urge everyone-especially women considering joining the U.S. military-to read this important book. Through unforgettable stories, The Lonely Soldierexplains the shocking frequency of sexual assault and what can be done."
4. Band of Sisters: American Women at War in Iraq by Kirsten Holmstedt—Holmstedt shares the stories of women in the front lines and their accomplishments. If you aren't sure if you can perform under the pressure and conditions of war, this read will prove that it has been done by many before you.
5. U.S. Army Survival Handbook, Revised by Matt Larsen—This book is written by Sergeant First Class Matt Larsen. He has been a trainer in survival and fighting techniques for the Army Rangers, and many of his insights are contained in these chapters. This handbook is standard issue for U.S. Special Operation Forces and pilots and covers how to survive in any climate.